Its been a while since I’ve written anything meaningful here on Live journal. So i dont know if anyone will actually read this. But I have faith in everyone. So I’ll write what’s in my heart and hope that its taken for what its worth.

About a week ago Tremor sat me down because he had something important to tell me. I don’t know if it was common sense or just the fact that I know him so well, but I already knew what he wanted to tell me.

Its something that he’s been thinking about, something important he needed to tell me and to listen and understand. So I did, I listened, and as I always do for him, I listened with my whole heart.

The conversation went slowly, he was emotional throughout and I held his hand saying it was alright and that my feelings for him hadn’t changed. And in the end, we agreed that our relationship needed to change. So it did that day, we went from being Mates, to being friends. I decided that I should accept it and know that in the end, we still needed each other. After all….who knows him better then me?

I didn’t cry, all I wanted to do after it was said was to hold him in my arms and remind him that no matter how lonely he may feel he’ll always have me to be there for him. And so I will be, I’ll be his best friend, I’ll watch him and take care of him as I do. I can’t imagine my life without him, so even though we won’t someday live our lives together, we’ll spend every day from now on taking care of one another.

Im ok, I know some of you want to be supportive right now and I would like to tell you all that I appreciate it.

All I ask, is that you don’t go up to Him and feel sorry for him or treat him differently …He would hate that. Don’t ask him why or to talk about it, because he doesn’t want that right now. Instead I’ll ask everyone to just be yourselves, be his friends and talk to him as you always do, that’s the best thing you can do for him right now.

In the end, even if I cant be by his side, I’ll be someone he can depend on and be with when he needs it. It is what I do best after all.



In order for me and Tremor to better adjust after this were both going to take a week off from being online. We both could use the break from everything and just take care of ourselves. Who knows, maybe this could be the chance I need to get back into art. *sighs and stretches*….I hope that when we come back we’ll both have a better outlook on things. Take care everyone and be good.

Hey Guys, Its been a while since my last entry. Sorry if I've been keeping you waiting. Life has been really busy and hectic fro me. The last couple of months have been very full.

Anyway, I've decided that since I haven't been able to post anything significant on my art sites that i might as well upload a few of my sketches just to prove that i have been keeping up with my drawing. I don't like to add allot of filler to my pages on DA and FA so im gonna see if uploading my sketches here will keep you interested in me and my art.




Heres the first one, Allot of what's gonna be posted is really just me practicing my anatomy. Hope you guys enjoy and don't forget to check out my DA and FA pages for more finished stuff. And BTW all of this was done with a ball point pen. Those things are fun to use to sketch with.



Up next are some more anatomy studies. I really try and do as many as possible in order to keep my hand and line placement smooth. This one deals with allot of arm positions and hand poses. Thanks to the help of a dear friend of mine i was able to get a better grasp on hands.



Here we have a few practice sketches of a character i created fro my friend Ekigyuu, bonus points to you guys if you can guess who it is. And yes....that is a singing bull. *chuckles* For those of you interested, i do have a page on Eki's site (FurryArtPile: FAP) and once i get back into the groove of things, look me up. Cause that place is gonna be all about the beef. I'll be posting my Bovine or Bull art on that page mainly and whatever else i feel like sharing. So keep your eyes Open.



And Lastly, lets not leave out the fat furs. This page mainly dedicated to my very dear friend Scottbear. An all around sweetie pie and huggable teddy. I love that bears girth. Plus....I like drawing those big round bellies. XD


Well guys, thats it for now. If you like what you see...tell me. If you don't...tell me anyway. Hope you all enjoy and I hope that all of you are doing well. *Big Orca Hug to all* Take care and don't forget to stop on by for some fruit punch. I got plenty to go around.

Today is the happiest day of my life...

Because it was on this day, that the man i am going to love for the rest of my life....was given his.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart. *kisses*

Again….Thank god for LJ. Please don’t let me abuse this place.


Well today was Ok for the most part. The kids were sweet and things went well here at the office. Though it was a bit odd…I had received a call from a teacher asking me if I could give one of his students some papers. And as a joke he told that student I would also give them a kiss. I was a bit taken back by it and honestly thought nothing of it after that. Mind you, the child was in kindergarten and the teacher in question is probably one of the biggest pervert here at this school. I know that since the children are far too young to understand his humor they laugh anyway and think hes being silly. And don’t worry about the whole pedophile thing. If anything it’s the female members of this staff that should worry more.

But back to the story, I went to the back and got the papers as I was asked. I went back out to the front desk and saw that the child had come in and was waiting. A very sweet looking little boy looked up at me and smiled so I decided to play a joke on him and making a very awkward kissy face. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek….and all he did was laugh and smile.

In that moment…I began to ask myself…are people really born gay? I cant really ask myself that question because at one point I did have a crush on a girl and though it was only once I did realized that though I am gay, I guess some part of me does still think the idea of getting married to a lovely young lady. Its more a far fetched fantasy then anything else. *smiles and rubs my ring finger* I have plans for this finger…and they involve a certain wolf. *chuckles*

But after that kid left, I smiled and wondered if he would turn out to be strait and one of those people who tolerated everything and loved everything as well. I cant tell you how good it felt to think that. I want these kids to grow up happy and with understanding in their hearts.

Well, no matter what happens to him I know that as long as he’s here he’s gonna get nothing but love. *chuckles* My school is big on that.

Well, a sad thing happened today. My air card decided to die on me. It feel apart just as I was about to use it and by the looks of how it did…I won't be able to get it fixed. I depended a lot on that thing. It allowed me that precious space of time between the last hour of work and before I got home. A time to which Tremor was most likely on and I could talk to him and get what I needed to keep smiling through my week. But I won't get too down about it, I'm fine with it for now. But I know when I hit that little rough patch between here and when I get my new air card…I'm gonna be pulling out my hair and clawing at the walls. *sighs* I need my weekly dose of my wolf or else by the weekend I'm fuming mad and wanting to kill something. *chuckles* Tremor…you make my whole world…brighter.

*sits down* Things can go one of two ways from here. They can completely go down the drain or get that much better. Regardless of what happens….as long as I got my wolf and I have the will to move on. I'm gonna take whatever life throws at me and work with it.

I mean hey, its my life after all. I only get one chance at it so I might as well make the best of it.

I lost my air card, just means I'm gonna have to work a little harder to make sure Tremor knows I'm their for him. I may miss a few chance to talk to him along the way but what couple has the ability to communicate 24/7? Gaps do occur and I just have to learn to work with them. But I know that when I do get my chance to spend some time with Tremor, their will be little talking and a lot more hugging. *chuckles* He may think otherwise but I'm gonna do my best to sneak every chance possible. ^ ^

Thanks Guys, for reading this and giving me your words in Return. I cant thank you enough.

And to you Sweetheart, I love you. Thank you for being my safe harbor in the storm.

Hey guys, well…it’s the start to another glorious week here on my sunny little patch of earth. The ocean is blue and the skies are blue and the plants are a glorious shade of green. Everything is bright and happy and yippy skippy, Hooray!

As for me you ask? Oh I'm doing just FUCKING FINE!

*growls and walks off huffing* Oh my week was off to a great start. My weekend was fucked up because I had to go in for work on Saturday and not only that I had to bring work home. So the rest of it was spent doing inventory of about oh say 2 to 3 thousand items in under a week. So my boss expects me to do it all by myself and during SAT’s So I'm running around trying to hand out all the tests and he also wants me to go into the teachers class room asking them questions about where this is and what happened to that, all during the most stressful time of year for teachers, and because it was late my boss basically chewed me out for it and it wasn’t entirely my fault. But I cant blame him completely because it’s the higher ups that decided not to wait for the summer to roll around which they normally do, but instead surprise all of us by asking for a full check list of every possible item bought using government funds and whatever other funds the government keeps track of. And because I'm the only on with enough “Free time” to do it I have to add that on top of my work load. It would have gone so much smoother had the teachers realize that just because the school lets you use the computers for lessons DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN FUCKING TAKE THEM HOME AND USE THEM FOR YOUR PERSONAL ENJOYMENT! I COULDENT FINNISH BECAUSE ALOST ALL OF THE “FUN” STUFF WAS AT THEIR HOMES! SHIT!

And because of all that fuss I had to go through I bought the incomplete work sheet home after I had to come in at FIVE AM on a Saturday. GOD! I hate coming in to work on a Saturday. But I can’t help it because I'm needed by my work. I know I shouldn’t complain but the fact that they asked me at a time when I'm emotionally at my lowest didn’t help.

So this all forced me to wait till Friday to get the serial numbers and codes to finish off my inventory but the guy that’s going to receive it after I'm done wants me to change the format to suit the new GOVERNMENT standards. So I'm at home and instead of using this time to draw some new art I'm typing away little numbers and codes in order to make sure it adheres to what “Al” at the main office wants. On top of that I didn’t even get a chance to talk with Tremor. I hate it when we miss chance to talk. It makes my skin crawl and I feel like such a looser for not being able to at least hold him and tell him how much I love him. I know he knows this and its no big deal for him but sometimes, especially now, even getting the chance to spend five minutes with him could mean the difference between being able to smile or just scowl my entire week.

I get over it and remind myself that we can’t always take every chance we get to talk but it still pissed me the fuck off when it happens. DAMMIT!

I'm sorry guys, I'm pretty laid back and to tell you the truth everything else in my life I can pretty much shrug off and go with the flow but when it comes to my relationships…those are the ones I take vary seriously and sometimes I can get a little out of hand. I'm just not used to being with someone. *chuckles* Yeah me….Mr. Lovable, Tremors my first serious relationship in my entire life and I want everything to go right. I know I should relax more but I'm kinda a funny person that way. I really can’t be relaxed unless the person I want to be with is around. I end up tense and moody and all I want to do is ball up and forget about everything. But it just comes with being someone like me, I was raised by two very loving people and it was from them I learned about love and what makes it work. I realized that unless you take your heart and really do what it needs you’ll end up killing it. And I need to be around Tremor, that’s the god’s honest truth. No one…and I mean no one has the ability to make me smile like he does. If that’s not true love I don’t know what is.

*Takes a deep breath and begins to settle down* ….Fuck….*smiles a bit* Even just thinking about him I'm already feeling better….now that’s what tells someone you’ve got them where it counts. When even the simplest thoughts of them can change your mood. *breaths* Shit….*holds my head in my hands* Job….money….school….love….life…health….happiness….drama….all that stuff is on my plate in one form or another. I wish I could just take my fork and scrape off all the stuff I don’t like and enjoy only the good parts. But that’s not what life is, life is about stomaching everything that gets thrown in your way. No matter how bitter and sour it may be you just have to swallow and move on. I know a lot of you are going through some of the same shit as I am, some worse then me and I can’t really imagine how much it must hurt to be you right now. You must feel so alone and hated, by you or someone, that every beat feels like your last. Sometimes all I want to do is cry and scream at the same time, I feel like theirs a big black hole where my heart is and it’s like I'm being sucked in from the inside out. I don’t know if you call it strength or just simple ignorance but I do keep this all to myself and I try my best not to burden everyone around me. Because it’s hard, when you’re the person every turns to for comfort….who can you turn to for yours?

I kinda got my answer almost two years ago, he came strutting in and all of a sudden….even though it was on a computer screen. I felt like something about this guy made me feel calm inside. The way he talked and acted, everything he did made me want him more and more, and before I realized it…I was head over heals for this guy. He calls himself ugly…I say he’s the most gorgeous guy in the world. He complains about his body and all I can see is the guy who turns me on no matter what he does, he says he’s cold hearted, and is say….give it time…you don’t learn to love someone on the first go.

Love is a lot about hit and miss. You either hit it right…or you miss and have to move on. And as far as I'm concerned….Tremor hit the mark with me. Since day one I wanted to be devoted to this one guy, I wanted my heart to be his and it is. I told him how I feel and make sure that I tell him each and every chance I get. I don’t want to be that guy that eventually forgets to kiss his partner each and every day and doesn’t tell him I love you at least once during each day their together. I'm the uber romantic type, I kind need to express that part of me and show that my feelings are just as strong as they were yesterday as they are today.

It annoys him a bit, and he gets frustrated sometimes that I can lay it on a bit thick. But to me….he’s someone worth layering my love on in thick warm strokes. Taking my time and making sure I do each one right.

Heh….Tremors what you would call a guys guy. He's rough and tough and if you make him mad he’ll kick your teeth in. *chuckles* But he’s my guy and I wouldn’t change him for the world. I fell in love with him for who he is…not what he could become. I know that down that line no matter what changes happen to him physical or mental I’ll stand by him and do what I can to make sure he knows I'm their.

*sighs and wipes my eyes* I love Live journal….*laughs* I already forgot why I began typing this in the first place. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I guess all I needed was to vent and then talk about him…talking about him is good therapy I think. I don’t know….I just feel like things are better now. I still wish I could talk more with him…tell him more of why I want so much to spend my life with him. But if anything…I know that will all come in time. It’s just that sometimes it gets a bit hard to be patient. The ach starts and I never want it to but I can’t do anything about it. It’s just the way things are for the time being and until I can see what life together would be like…that’s the way things are gonna stay. I know that with each day I’ll get to know him a little more…and each day I’ll get closer to having that chance to be with him.

*swallows* I'm gonna make this count…every day….every chance….because I deserve to have a lifetime of love. And I want the chance with him.

So until that day, I'm gonna have to just live my life being happy for today, living for tomorrow and hopefully someday. Getting to see what’s its like to share more then just the same sky with the man that I love.

Sooooo…yeah….my weekend sucked….didn’t get to do what I wanted, but shit happens. You just have to get over it and move on. Figure out what makes you happy focus on it and be glad that you have it. Boyfriend or friend, regardless. Something out their makes you smile. It’s good to think about it and remember why.

Hope you guys are doing Ok. If not…well….I’ll be praying for you. *hugs*

Hello Everyone.

TK here with another one of my journals. I know that some of you have openly expressed how much you enjoy my opinion on certain matters and how sunny my personality can be. I cant thank all of you enough for what your words have meant to me over the last several years. To my friends and family, I love you all.

Now onto some personal news. Things for me have been going fine. My home life is stable and regular where as my personal life still takes its twists and turns I know not to call it boring because of how quickly it can change. I should just be happy with what I have, and I am. I love my life and all it has to offer, from the people I love to those that have cause me some pain. Each and every person has touched me and taught me a lesson I won't soon forget.

Over the last several months things have been going in and out in regards to my job. One moment I'm fine the next I'm being told that I should get ready to be laid off. It has been rather hurtful for me because of the fact that, though I know I can survive by moving on, I cannot help but hold back the tears. I happen to love my job and the children I work with rather deeply. Its by far the best paying and also the best work environment I have ever had. My past jobs were a horror into themselves. Especially working at a restaurant, I have a new found respect for the waiters and waitresses that have to struggle day in and day out to live off meager pay while dealing with the intense emotional and physical stress that is a demanding customer. I bow to all of your brave enough to hold onto your jobs to keep yourselves afloat in this modern day world.

My Principal and employer, took me in today as well as those I work closely with and told us that the current economic situation won't bode well for all of us. Current budget cuts and restraints have left our school system nearly depleted and struggling every single day just to pay those deserving, especially our teachers, who compared to those in the states….have it far worse. And for the ones who are “Support Staff” like me. My heart goes out to all of them, for if anyone were to be let go….we would be the first to raise our hands and say good bye. My principal had asked that if things were to come down to it, he would ask some of us, if we would be willing to give up our jobs in order to ensure that others would keep theirs. And all I could do was nod and make up my mind that I would already have told him yes. Though they say they need me, My job and my current position in life allow me the courtesy to leave and not really be a detriment to my school. Everyone else is essential and I feel it necessary to be honest with myself and know where I stand. I am young, still have many years ahead of me and many more employment opportunities ahead. Though this school means the world to me. I will not stay and force someone else to loose their job. Thankfully, I live on an island where someone like me can get by for the time being. It would just be heart breaking for me to know that a year from now…those kids would forget I was ever their.

So, though I hope and pray I still have my job by June….I will not shed my tears in front of those who I work with and step proudly away. I worked hard for them and I am a proud employee. If things turn out so that I will be unemployed….I still qualify for scholarship here. I might go back to school and see where my future goes from their. If anything it leaves me open to move out to where Tremor is and see where our lives go from their. Its one of the bright spots about loosing my job. *smiles*

So pray, hope and wish for me, and I will do the same. I want to stay…but I will leave if I have to.

My future at the moment, depends on those higher up and the justice that will be granted to me.

Now, moving onto another subject that has come to my attention. It has to deal mainly with the furry fandom. I being a part of it these last four years, I have come to realize that many things about it can be quite disturbing to some. But mind you I condemn no one, just as it is the right in the real world to live your life how you choose it, it is also that right in the Furry and Anthro world.

My concern is to how driven some of us are by our drive to fulfill our erotic fantasies. Recently, a dear and close friend of mine came to me and told me about a very sad event that recently happened to him. A long time friend of his had shown him his true colors by asking that they not talk until he was 18. Of legal age where he could peruse his sexual fantasies without any legal ramification….or as far as he knows. They had been talking for an entire year and had grown fond of him. But upon hearing those words spoken or written by his friend became horrified and was deeply disappointed at the fact that his friend had based their entire friendship on how often or when it was ok for them to have sex. Though it was online it still disheartens me to know that so many of us could fall under this category of “Sex fiend”.

I myself am not free of guilt. I cam into he fandom at the age of 21 open and free and some of my first friends were made on the fact of how well I could spin a yarn towards the sexual persuasion. I had charmed and been charmed into many undergarments my first two years online. Though I was happy to have the freedom, the realization of how much I could hurt and how I could someone else came all too soon.

The furry fandom is well know for its drama, and a rule that I have come to live by and understand all to well makes itself apparent almost every time I talk to someone new. “Don’t stick your dick in Crazy”. Being the type of artist that I am and the fact that I have already crossed my art over into the “Pornographic realm” I have been propositioned by many a new fan to “Role play Sometime” though each one flatters me to no end. I find it more prudent to simply say no and thank you for enjoying my art. If it were two years earlier I would have jumped at the chance and done what was necessary to “Get my rocks off” but after breaking the hearts of some and having had my heart broken as well. It would be a better choice and better way to avoid that Drama if I were to stay friends and not friends with benefits.

I have a Loving wolf in my life that provides the necessary comfort I need to feel like I could want for nothing as long as I am with him. I feel happy and that’s what matters right now.

As to my friend, he had written to me and told me of his feelings and how much it hurt him to know that a person he felt so much for wasn’t interested in knowing his heart but what was in between his legs. Tough some of you can attest to having based some of your more long standing friendship on the fact that you both had fun sexually that’s not the case for everyone. Especially those younger then us who join the fandom for reasons beyond finding it arousing.

Another dear friend of mine and someone with who I have developed a father son relationship with originally joined because he thought it was cool and the people seemed nice and that he could openly express himself without worry. He quickly made friends and felt like he could belong. I have watched him grow and develop into a wonderful young man and someone I am proud to call “Son”. But the darker side of things mad themselves known when he began to have problems with some of his friends. He wanted to spend time with them and hang out and just be around them, but they showed no interest and some simply faded away. Others….made their interest in him known far too well. He was being asked and prodded to “Play” with some of them and being the kind of person he was what he needed were friends and not partners. He lost and felt lost and I was left wondering how could people reduce something so wonderful and meaningful to someone, to nothing more then a “Yiff”.

Both of them now are considering leaving, one a very talented artist who’s leaving would break my heart and the other may want to break my bond because he would leave the common ground that had offered us the opportunity to meet and eventually care for each other to no end. My Son and my friend both mean the world to me and all they want is to make friends, share their lives with the people around them and be accepted for having something inside them that makes them different. But its become a hard fact that a lot of people in the fandom would rather have sex then get to know a person.

I know that to some of you I'm making a very wide generalization but for those reading…how old are you? 18, 19, 20, 25, 35, 40? Notice that not a lot of “Kids” around are their? All of you here brought in by intentions of getting to know only to have them changed to the “Urge” that you follow. I will be honest….allot of kick ass people here, but that fact can be over shadowed by how many only want their “entertainment”. Sex has become a cornerstone for some. The basis of why they stay and why their here. For others it’s the meeting of new people and making friends, and for others still….to belong and be a part of something wonderful.

Sex is a part of the fandom, a rather large part but not the only one. Lets remember that there are meaningful and wonderful parts to being a furry. Making friends, finding love, and finding the family that you’ve needed all your life. To be recognized as someone or something unique and special, to be seen as both an Individual and part of a group that understands and accepts you. And to be the person or furry you are inside.
For me, the fandom has allowed me to grow and become someone who has accepted himself for the most part. To see the world in a better light and to also know that I'm not alone in what I choose to do with my art and with my life. I am a part of something grand and immense and that makes me proud to say, “I'm a Furry”. I have found myself countless friends and discovering new people each and every day. My life is full of the love and caring of those around me and I have never felt my heart more welcome then when I am here with you all. And my family, you have all become my second family and my second home. I am who I am, and being a furry has only made me accept it even more.

So to everyone, lets look out for the younger ones. Lets not let the fandom slip into something only adults can understand. Lets make it a place where people can raise their family on it and know that we are an accepting and loving group of people who are only here to be a part of something good. If I ever have children of my own….i want to be able to bring them in and let them see you the way I see you. As people worth knowing and having as part of their lives.

I will do my part, I will watch out for those younger then I and let them know that here is not a place where only perverts and fiends dwell. I will continue to be father, brother, friend, and confidant to those I keep with me. I hope that you will do the same and help me keep this ideal as something that in of itself is not a fantasy, but a reality we can all live and grow by.

I'm planning on opening a web site where those seeking friendship and not a sexual partner can come and express themselves openly and without worry. Though that dream is far from completion I want to make it a reality someday. To those who have been hurt and who are hurting I dedicate this to you. Remember not to let one person change how you view all people and keep your heart open but safe. And remember, Your friends are the ones who stay with you, no matter what.


This journal and its words, dedicated to those two who remind me that there is still innocence in this world.

I love the both of you so much.

So yeah....Until i pay the unbelievable amount of $XXX, my cell phone is disconnected.

For those of you who have my number you can stop trying to call me now. >.>

*sighs* Why did i have to go for the expensive phone? *rolls on the floor all pissy* DX

Things happen and they happen for a reason.

That’s a truth we all cannot avoid or deny. So we all have to handel things as best we can.

I mean in all honesty…it’s all we can really do. I guess that’s why people think I'm so good at handling things. I just realize that “It” happened and that theirs nothing I can do to change it…but there is something I can do to make it better.

We all take for granted the fact that we do have some control over our lives and that we can help direct things in our favor. But in all honesty…I don’t think a lot of people want to take charge and really just let life do all the driving. They just deal with it…or don’t, and move on. Funny really, how we avoid responsibility at times. Or shift the blame just to keep from feeling that guilt only to trap ourselves in something worse.

Oh who the fuck am I kidding, life is full of crap and theirs nothing you can do about it. But fuck if I'm gonna let that get in my way of enjoying it the way I want.

So go piss your problems in a corner and get over yourself. Nothing in life that’s worth having comes easy and that’s that. No matter how bad your problems are there is someone out their, with problems that can be both emotionally and physically measured as being greater then yours. And that’s what I tell myself all the time. Life is a shit hole but by god it’s my shit hole and I'm gonna make it out to be the prettiest shit hole on the block.

So what if my boyfriend is 13,000 miles away, I still get to talk to him and comfort him as best I can. And isn’t that what a real boyfriend does? Someone who cares for you and comforts you in the right way making you feel good? And I'm happy to say that we both do that for each other and that’s what counts. Sure a lot of people doubt that things would last very long at first…but were going on two years now and I have no intention of letting him go. He's a gorgeous hunk of a wolf id kill my degenerate fucker of an uncle for.

MMmmwah! Who loves ya baby?! I do, that who!

I was recently hit by the realization that loss is something we suffer from long after we accept that it’s gone. Especially if it’s someone we truly cared about.

Days…months…years….can go by and all it takes is a few simple memories and your crying. Its one of those things that come with being human…I think people call it love.

Oh yeah….love. It’s a funny thing really. You never know when its gonna hit…and the first time it does, you feel like you can do anything in the world. But along with that feeling you can also feel like nothing.

We risk a lot with love, sometimes we risk our very lives. But it’s really all for something that’s has taken on a meaning more substantial then anything else in our lives.

And something that’s carries that much meaning is definitely worth sacrificing for. I guess love is the greatest test or our humanity, really. How much we give up shows us how willing we are to do what’s necessary. But there is a fine line between, enough and too much. It’s just up to you to determine where that line is.


So you all be careful…and take things slow. Think it through and understand that no matter how you feel. It’s the other person you also have to take into consideration now. For some, it’s easy to think of others, for others…its something that comes with practice. I myself need a little more practice before I have it down, but I'm willing to, because I have a whole lot of other people out their that need to be considered of.

Hey, someone’s got to be thinking of you right? *winks* Might as well be me. :)

Oh and let me throw this in your direction.

“Do unto others and you would have done onto yourself”

Ring a bell? Well I hope it does. Theirs a spin off of that saying that goes “Don’t ask of others that you yourself are not willing to do” cowardice is the main reason why most don’t follow this little saying. But then again…fear is part of being human.

How about I just give you the bare bones. *sits down and pats my lap for you to sit on*

No matter what you plan for in life you will never ever be prepared for what it throws at you. Nothing will ever really go as you plane so don’t be a bitch about it and move on. You will fall in love at least once and have your heart broken at least once. But how many times after that is really left up to how picky you are and how much of an idiot you can be when it comes to thinking of others. But the one thing you should be picky about is your friends. Don’t like everyone just that ones you get along with. Be honest but not too honest theirs a line between friend and jackass.

Keep the ones you love close and be understanding towards those you don’t. It takes all kinds, and if anything it’s those you don’t like who will help you appreciate those you do. Think before you speak and eat your vegetables. The things that come out will be a lot smoother as a result. Your gonna make a total ass of yourself sooner or later, but depending on who it might be will determine how much ass kissing your gonna have to do before you make it better. If it’s your boss and he mistreats you…it can be empowering and help you chose a better choice in life. If it’s your significant other you’d better be ready for some major song and dance.

And talk about your problems, especially with people who constantly nag you to do it. They’ll stop nagging you and you might actually feel better about it later.

And one last thing…and I cannot stress this enough…I'm serious this is probably one of the most important things I will ever tell any of you.
Hold onto the people you love, you can never know how long your gonna have them so make the most of what time you do have. Because once their gone…their gone.

Life does have its second chance…but those are few and far between. So you’d better make the most of what you got now. So kiss, hug, and squeeze the life out of your loved ones.

*Kisses, hugs, and squeezes all of you.*

Some people can annoy the living fuck out of you, I swear to god. I've been recently “Harassed” by someone who I still consider a friend.

I know, it’s crazy to call someone like that your friend. But I still like him, even if he’s a prick in every sense of the word.

Honestly when I really get down to it. He's a selfish, self centered bustard with no consideration for people….or at least me. The least few instances we talked ended in me completely dumbfounded by how arrogant and assuming he was. It was surreal to sit their and listen to him make all kinds of arguments against me. And while he talked he only built a case against himself. I listened and the more I did, the more disgusted I became by him.

He told me left and right and I was a liar and a deceiver and someone who by the phrasing of his words wasn’t worth knowing. As I realized how much hate and as he put it “Disdain” he had for me I rolled my eyes and wanted to tell him that if you hate me so much why do you keep writing to me? Why keep putting yourself through all the crap of being my friend if it hurts you so much.

So I swished my tail to the left, continued to listen, all the while realizing how immature he was holding onto all that “Disdain”.

I don’t know, why he was putting so much into our friendship after he openly suggested that I was a bad person. If I were with someone that made me feel the way he said I was making him feel….id leave and move on. What really got my goat was the fact that he brought the two most important people in my life into the conversation….Tremor and my Pup, Beowulf.

From then on my negative feelings towards him just kept building and building. But thankfully I realized that doing anything to lash out as a result would have only lowered me to his level of thinking. His high and might attitude, his “I'm better then you” and “I treat my friends better then you” Way of thinking.

I treat my friends the best I can, it’s all I can do. Thinking that I'm this hero of friendship able to keep in touch with every single person and not have any problems is only setting yourself up for disappointment.

I will be honest, I am ashamed of myself for how I’ve been away from some of you. Its hard being where I am and trying to stay in touch. I have a lot on my mind and things that I need to do. I know it’s the slandered excuses. But it’s all I got, and the reason behind why are the reasons that keep me from showing my face regularly online.

I'm not that kind of person to really drag things out, I try and be as blunt and honest as possible to spare as much emotional stress on both parts. I stopped making promises to be on at this time and that time because my life has no set schedule anymore. I have to go with the flow…or I’ll drown.
I hate this….the fact that in certain ways…he was right. The only thing that I see him doing better then me is that he may be spending more time with the people he calls his friends. But no one will ever put as much effort into being a decent person as me. I do my damndest to give you guys my best when I can and when I'm able to and no one will ever be better then me in that respect.

This guy is a good kid….but he needs to grow up. Get out and see the world for what it really is and realized that your so called heroes are human too. And until he stops….he’s always gonna be disappointed and heartbroken.

I can’t blame him for feeling the way that he does, but I can blame him for the way that he’s handling things. Sending me messages full of arrogance and bitterness only add to his own. I have people I can depend on and feel good with…people I can really call my friends and who understand what I feel and who I am. But I think its time that I cut him off and out of my life. I don’t need the drama. I have my own stage to perform on…I don’t need some two bit actor ruining it for me.

Id love to make everyone my friend, id love for everyone to love me. But I knew from the beginning that the moment I came out. Was the moment I exposed myself to people like him and what id be setting myself up for. So I smiled, walked out on stage, and poured my heart into the role I would play in people’s lives. Good or bad….I had a purpose and no one was going to keep me from it.

So yeah…I guess looking at the bare bones of what I'm saying….

He's a nice enough guy….but he’s still a kid….arrogant and selfish…his attitude will make him out to be some tragic character that no one will care about.

I don’t want or need people like him in my life when I have so many good supporting actors taking on important roles.

My life is good…but it has to have the bad parts in order for what I do to have any meaning. I rise and I fall like anyone else and I do my best to give my best because like anyone else it’s all I can do.

Don’t put me up their when it would be better if I were down their with the rest of you. I never wanted to be your idol. I only wanted to be a guy you could talk to and hang out with.

If you guys have any feeling towards me that you feel need to be said…lets have it out. Id like to hear how you feel about me and see if I can either fix the problem or just find out how you see me.

Well this test is a load. I had fun taking it but i had to constantly refresh the age or else i had to take it over again.

Well guys, I guess its true to some degree. So maybe you should see what results you get. *winks*